bye bye

And I’ve decided to stop running.

Hottest guys of 2008. (NSFW)

5. Chace Crawford


i don’t watch gossip girl but this guy is absolutely gorgeous. i might just start watching the show because of him. not a lot of underwear models can look manly so yeah.. chace crawford! yeah baby.

4. Eric Dane


sooooooooooo sexy! plus he’s actually a good boy in grey’s anatomy now. he isn’t having sex with almost everything with boobs and a va-jay-jay. a shirtless eric dane = heaven on earth!

3. James Marsden


the notebook. 27 dresses. enchanted. this guy is the epitome of hotness.

2. David Cook


i’m officially obsessed with david cook. this was probably my favorite season of american idol. cook is an amazing singer. i’ve seen him live a bunch of times. he’s also a sweetheart. ah i love <3

1. Patrick Dempsey



if i were given a chance to meet one celebrity, i’d meet him. sooooooooooooooooooo sexy! made of honor. enchanted. GREY’S ANATOMY!!! omg i love. i wish he wasn’t married
omg i want!

i be the weatherman

-24C

can you guys believe it? neither can i.

it’s fucking windy outside! it is physically impossible for anyone to stand outside without wearing 4 layers of clothing.

fuck the cold! fuck the cold! fuc…

winter break <3

i have a strong feeling that i’m going to get high on sparkling grape juice tonight.

i love christmas parties!

a damsel in distress waiting for her knight in shining armor.

i went to the new text message page on my cell phone and typed ‘i miss you.’ it doesn’t take a genius to figure out who this message would have been for. anyway, i put the phone on my bedside table and considered the outcomes.

a) it would be like carly phillips’s novels where he reads the message, calls me, and says that he wants me back.

or

b) it would be like grey’s anatomy where i tell him that i miss him but he says “can’t.”

in the perfect world, option a would make perfect sense.. but in my broken, full of bad relationships world, option b sounds more realistic. he will either not reply back, or he’ll tell me that he’s sick of this.

he did say that “[he was] taking every day as it comes.” i wanted certainty, not him. that’s not very unusual for me. i calculate my way through things.. i think of the shortest/fastest route before i begin driving. i measure my ingredients perfectly when working in the kitchen. i write shopping lists. i have a calender that says my activities for the month even though i never look at it. i set reminders on my phone for anything and everything even though i hardly ever need them. i buy birthday/anniversary cards at the beginning of the month for every birthday coming up. that’s just how i am.. i like to be sure of everything.. comes with being a surgeon’s daughter.

i’ve been trying to fall asleep but this is my first night in two weeks without cold meds (nighttime). in my defense, i’d just like to say that i’m getting these weird thoughts because of the major lack of sleep. i’m trying not to touch the nighttime meds.

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i try not to complain a lot

i have successfully managed to finish almost an entire box of kleenex. mommy should be proud of me. i have a trashcan by my side. my bedside table has tylenol for cold, disgusting vitamin c stuff, a box of kleenex, and season 2 of grey’s anatomy on it. the whiteboard calender on my wall says HAMLET THESIS DUE WEDNESDAY. sitting next to me are lots and lots of papers about hamlet, but they don’t make sense.. just like this post. it’s all senseless. meaningless. weird.

i have a really bad headache. wait.. i hate the phrase ‘really bad headache.’ i mean hadh hai yaar. headaches are never good, so why use really bad? sigh. but yeah, i feel like i’ve been sitting with my special ed students for like 10 hours now.. even though i really only spent 6 hours with them today.

the top of my mouth (?) hurts. what’s it called? roof of the mouth. i don’t know.. i have blisters on it. i think.. if that’s possible.

okay i’m gonna stop whining.

hope you all had an awesome eid <3

Mission accomplished!

how many of you have ever wanted to tell sexy that he’s one sad excuse for a human being?

4 years.. if only things were still the same.

10:15 pm.

an hour and 45 minutes before december 05, 2008.

on december 05, 2004, ex and i decided that we would be more than just best friends. it was more of a secret at first because we didn’t know how our mutual friends would react to this. slowly, however, friends found out and it turned out that they were all okay with it.

on december 05, 2005, ex and i were living in two different parts of the world, but we were still in touch. crazier than ever.. still pretty immature. we used to joke around, and never truly acted like a couple.

on december 05, 2006, we were still in two different parts of the world, and still as close. long phone calls, texting all day long, stupid msn conversations… everything that two young lovebirds could ask for (minus the s..).

on december 05, 2007, we weren’t as close. things had started to change a little. the whole long distance relationship thing wasn’t working out after two years of only meeting during breaks. of course we met in the summer of ‘07.. spent two months together and it was all great. in fact it was perfect, and i think that’s what changed things. we had grown up, matured, and our needs had just increased.

we met in the end of december/ beginning of january (‘07/’08). spent new years eve together and what not.. things were perfect. we were happy once again.

… and then we both went off to our respective homes. things were fine until he took his best friend out on valentines day. THAT did it for me. his needs were obviously different than mine, and i respected that. i know that guys tend to ask for more physical stuff, and i, as a girl, was cool with just the feeling of having someone to talk to.

around april of ‘08, that girl’s msn status and facebook crap was always something silly and romantic about him. maybe she was just trying to piss me off. maybe he was right.. maybe he wasn’t flirting with her and it was only one-sided.. but by then i had become very close to sexy (who was also having relationship problems). when sexy told me that ex was being an ass, i listened to him. when sexy told me to end it with ex, i listened to him again. when ex called me a sell out, i completely ignored him and went off to minding my own beeswax.

did i cry? yes. did i fail the exam that i took the day after i broke up with ex? yes i did. did i imagine then that sexy and i would get this close one day? no.

do i regret breaking up with ex?
yes.

am i listening to my favorite song by a band that i used to love and now have no respect for?
yes.

is the band and/or the song somehow related to this post?
fuck yes.

a dream come true

on oct 20, 2007 i started working on my portfolio. no one except me and the program knew what the title was.. only one person (whose identity i still don’t know, and will probably never know since i only had his/her email address) read/saw my work and helped me with it. he/she told me where i was going wrong and what i should/should-not do.

i had to document every day from oct 20, 2007 to oct 20, 2008. every fucking single day. it sucked, and that is primarily why i wasn’t blogging as much. initially i took it lightly but the daily assignments just got harder and harder, to the extent that sometimes i spent saturday night working on that crap.

taking pictures, writing stories, quotes, incidents from real life, videos… they wanted to fucking know everything about me. social life, academic life, family life. ugh! i’m sure the person grading my portfolio now knows almost everything about me.

the point is.. FUCKKK I GOT ACCEPTED TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! only 30 out of 1000s get accepted for the program, and i am one of them.

oh.
my.
god!

i feel smart.. and talented. mainly talented..