Kristy, are you doing okay?

Sars and I spent our first night at our new apartment yesterday. Of course if you put it this way, we sound like lovers.. Sadly, it wasn’t close to being that way. The apartment is still unfurnished. We took two outdoor chairs, two blankets, and a couple of picture frames with us yesterday. By the time we reached there, it was around 9 and we were awfully tired. It didn’t take us more than 15 minutes to unload the car and drag the chairs to the balcony. Our apartment is on the fourth floor. Even though there’s an elevator, it’s on the opposite side of the building and both of us knew we could carry our stuff up the stairs.

“Ugh, he’s awful in bed,” Sars groaned while trying to open her bottle of red wine.
“He wants a relationship,” I replied back in an equally miserable tone.
“It’s like.. It’s like he doesn’t know the difference between my thighs and my vajayjay.”
“Y and A and Sexy all want me and I’m still miserable.”
“Plus he gives those fish kisses.. Those God awful fish kisses.”
“The guy I want won’t give me everything I need and the guy I don’t want is willing to give me everything.. and more. What the fucking hell!”
“Here.” Sars passed me her bag of gummy worms. “I would have offered wine but you’re too good for that. You need the worms more than I do.”
“Oh Fuck. Does that mean I win the whose-life-sucks-more contest?”

Right at that minute, our friend Bo, who happens to be a DJ at a local radio station played Not Fair by Lily Allen.

“Great!” both of us muttered at the same time.

..and that, dear readers, is how we spent our first night at our new apartment. We danced like crazy, bitched our men, and oh, finally decided that she’ll break up with her rich probably-a-virgin-before-he-met-her boyfriend.

Guys, here’s the thing: never get too caught up in yourself when doing the horizontal salsa. At least make sure you’re all the way in. Mwwaahh!