Diary of a pulchritudinous brat

July 18, 2009

Pool party in La-whore!

Filed under: Guy Stories — by kurri @ 8:28 pm

Abso-fucking-lutely amazing! I met this guy (in Lahore) who works for UsWeekly! UsWeekly! I read that magazine on a regular basis (at the gym of course!)..

He, dear friends, is McGorgeous.. because seriously, he. is. gorgeous! Think Matthew McConaughey’s torso, Tom Brady’s legs, and Eric Dane’s face. Yummy! Yes girls (and guys) I saw the man shirtless.. and well, pantsless. I guess this is where I tell you that we met at a mutual friend’s pool party.

Pool party in La-whore. Yessiree!

Here’s what happened:

Friend (the host): Kurri, I want you to meet someone. He doesn’t know anyone here, and with you being American and all, I figured you could give him some company.
Me: (expecting some boring nerd): Uh yeah sure..

Five minutes later, this yummy hunk approaches me and asks if I’m Kurri.

McGorgeous: Kurri?
Me: Yeah, and you must be McGorgeous.
McGorgeous: MmHmm..

So after the intros, how-are-yous and we-didn’t-know-Pakistan-had-advanced-to-the-bikini-stage talks, we got into the what-do-you-dos.

Me: Sooooo what do you do?
McGorgeous: Umm I write.
Me: Cool! For?
McGorgeous: Just this magazine..
Me: Okay seriously.. Please?
McGorgeous: Okay, promise you won’t laugh!
Me: You wish! .. but okay, I’ll try.
McGorgeous: Fine, I write for UsWeekly.

He’s sooooooooooo funny! I’m pretty sure I snorted twice. Of course that wasn’t at all ladylike. If mother knew, she would have never let me live it down. God! The bastard has dined with P. Dempsey (or at least that’s what he told me.. BEFORE I told him about my obsession with Grey’s)!

The same girl had a second pool party today with her family and close girlfriends. God how I missed McGorgeous. I wish we had exchanged numbers :(

May 29, 2009

And I know I don’t act much like a lady but I still need to be somebody’s baby

Filed under: Guy Stories, Sexy Boy — by kurri @ 6:26 am

Alrighty! I guess I’ve been putting this off for too long.. Obviously it SO happens that I feel like blogging every time Mother has a ton of things planned for me to get done.

18 of you want to know about Sexy (and 3 of you don’t). Well, see, here’s the thing. If I were to answer this question, say, two months ago, I’d say that we were just friends. If I were to answer it three weeks ago, I’d say we were really good friends, just like before. Now, well.. Now, we’re nothing. He has met someone (again! remember last time? he almost got engaged to the girl until he realized that she’s not the one) and he thinks that us being friends is a problem.. Not that I care, mind you. I just think about him in the shower and before going to bed.. and when I wake up. But that’s it, of course! I would never let him know that. In his mind, I’m happily dating Y.. who, btw, Sexy calls “[my] geeky boyfriend.”

The fact of the matter is that Y and I are not dating. We (mainly I) took your advice and we’re taking this one day at a time. Of course he has already hinted on the whole my-mother-will-love-you thing but who cares, right? He’s just gonna get his heart broken when he finds out that I have major commitment (and ego) issues. Especially now that I have this stalker..

Sonofabitch. Sonofabitch. Sonofagoddamnbitch!

May 2, 2009

I can’t afford this, yet you’re so tempting.

Filed under: Guy Stories, Sexy Boy — by kurri @ 12:21 am

Dear Readers,

At this exact moment – 4:49 pm – Sexy and I are going to make a mistake. A huge mistake. A mistake so big that it’ll ruin our friendship all over again. I haven’t given an answer to Y yet but I still feel like I’m cheating on him.

I’m an idiot!

Love,
Kurri.

April 22, 2009

Listen to your heart before you tell him goodbye.

Filed under: Guy Stories, Personal — by kurri @ 2:46 am

I’ve been trying to ignore that potato-stuck-in-my-throat feeling since Friday, but I think it’s about time I share my problem with you guys. Maybe one of you will give me good advice..?

Remember Y? He’s the first guy I dated: only, it was 5 years ago. I was a baby then, but really, it was just silly. Now, 5 years later, we’re ‘friends’ again and umm, he “really really like[s] me.” Initially we just spoke as friends.. Y’know, occasional phone calls and stuff. Something happened then and he didn’t contact me for like, weeks maybe. On Friday he told me that he was scared. Why would a guy be scared of me? Well, because he was “starting to develop feelings for me and was very very scared.” Uhh okayyyy! And what am I supposed to say to that? I just laughed it off.

This is how it all began.. Friday morning, he called me around 7:15 am. I was getting ready for class and decided to call him back later. Naturally, I forgot and didn’t get a chance to call him back. He called me again around noon and left a voice msg. I called him back later. He didn’t answer, so I left him a voice mail. He called me back 15 mins after that, and thank God I had my phone with me. I answered immediately. After the initial formalities, he informed me that he “had an interesting dream about [me].”

“Aww.. Isn’t that cute?” I giggled.
“Can’t you be serious for once?” he asked in probably the coldest tone I’ve ever heard.
“Fine.. What was your dream about?”
“Well.. This is gonna sound really weird…”

To sum it all up, he had a dream in which he was introducing me to his mom and sister. Uhh thank you very much! I have absolutely no intention of meeting his mother. From what I’ve heard, she’s mean and strict. Obviously, Y didn’t tell me that – a mutual friend made this observation. From there on, Y told me that he has been thinking about me a lot. I’ve been down this road before. The guy praises you, then he uses that seductively sweet tone, he talks about how he’s so scared of his feelings for you, and finally asks you to think about “this relationship.” Yeah, I’ve had my fair share of such experiences with all sorts of guys.

Oddly, I didn’t expect this from Y. I was awful to him back in the day; my brother’s best friend (who Y claims has feelings for me) supposedly threatened Y to stay far far away from me. I didn’t know this until a couple of months ago.

Shouldn’t Y be scared? He says he’s scared of his feelings for me, but he still wants me to “consider Us.” I should be the last girl he wants. He knows all about Ex and why it didn’t work out between us. He doesn’t think that Ex is guilty. He believes that since Ex and I had already drifted apart, I shouldn’t blame him for wanting someone who pays more attention to him. He knows that I have the tendency to get sick of people eventually.

That brings us back to why he’s scared. He says that he can wait for us to officially be “together.” Obviously! He has only been in one relationship in five years, and that only lasted a year. He spends his Saturday nights watching tv with cousins. He’s interested in “pimping cars.” Me? I like to shop. I like to bathe in the sun. We’re like North and South. He doesn’t agree with my career choice, but he says he’s okay with it. He doesn’t like me for eating non-zabiha meat. He only eats halal. He hates the kind of clothes I wear. He doesn’t like the fact that I like to party but then again, he doesn’t say anything directly. Hell he says he has friends but I highly doubt that! It’s obvious that it’ll be another year before he can move here, and he says he can wait for that long as long as I’m willing to wait too.

“What if you fall for someone in the mean time?”
“Err Y.. I can’t promise you that. I’m sorry.”

After 50 minutes (maybe a little more!) of “healthy discussion” we decided that I should take some time to think about this arrangement. It’s Tuesday and I’ve been ignoring all of his phone calls. I call him back when I know he won’t answer the phone.

This is scary! His family knows my entire family.. Hell his parents even know where my brothers went to college and who they eventually married. As for my family, my parents don’t even know of his parents’ existence. How can I be sure that he’s not taking revenge for what I did to him 5 years ago? Obviously I’m not in love with him but I know he can hurt me in every possible way. How can I trust him?

Y isn’t good looking.. I mean he isn’t ugly, but I’ve known/dated better looking guys. Clearly, I’m out of my mind.

Yes? No? Give it a shot? Tell him to stay the hell away from me? Just be friends? Tell him to take it one day at a time? I need help here guys..

April 7, 2009

I’m so 3008. You’re so 2000 and late!

Filed under: Guy Stories — by kurri @ 3:39 am

The bell rang.

I looked through the window and saw the most gorgeous ass I’ve seen in a while. Anyway, I opened the door thinking he’s selling something. He turned around and that’s when the show begun!

His gaze started from my toes, got stuck somewhere down the middle, and then climbed up slowly. The guy took one look at me and blushed. Men these days blush! Did you know? I swear I didn’t. I looked down. Mortified! That’s what I was.

Take this guys.. I wasn’t wearing pants. I usually spend my day inside wearing just a unisex tee that usually reaches mid-thigh. No one comes over before 5 pm, and I obviously forgot the fact that I was only covered by a tee when the bell rang today.

“I.. uhh.. I’m here to work on.. umm.. the yard.” McHottie said.

Oh. Right. Mom had something about the yardworker. But Mr. Yardworker never rings the bell. He’s old. He comes, does his work, and leaves. We usually just mail him the check.

“I’m sorry I should have called. Dad.. uhh Mr. Yardworker is sick.”

I finally regained my senses as he interrupted my thought process.

“Oh I’m sorry.. I guess. I mean sure. Go ahead. Do you need something?”

“Uh I’m good. I’ll umm leave you to your work.” He gave me one of those head-to-toe looks followed by a wink, and walked away. It took me a second before I realized that I was still standing in front of the door, looking at him as he walked towards the driveway.

I came back upstairs and wore some sweats. On top I pulled on my dad’s college sweatshirt. Even though I tried to stop myself from doing so, I peeked from the window.. And then dear readers, I gulped. Because this six foot tall man was shirtless, and was skillfully fixing my mom’s flower beds. I’m not a fan of dating white guys, but a girl can look and flirt, can’t she? I went back downstairs and fixed some lemonade. Today was our first real day of 60 degree weather, and I was not going to let this man sweat outside (although watching the sweat make its way from his shoulder down his pants would be sexy!).

I walked outside and put a jug of lemonade, two glasses, and chocolate chip cookies on the deck. McHottie spotted me, dropped his yardwork-weapons, and lazily strolled towards the deck. If I weren’t sure that my old neighbor was sitting on her deck and definitely looking for gossip, I would have jumped him right away.

McHottie poured himself some lemonade and popped a cookie in his mouth. Awkward! One of us would have to talk and obviously I wasn’t going to do it.

“So you wore some clothes” he said with his mouth full.
“Uh yeah it was either that or shedding. The choice was hard but I managed to decide.”

I don’t know if he could sense the nervousness in my voice but if he did, he didn’t make a show of it. Instead he told me about himself. Where’s the decency, man? I didn’t even ask! Guess my eyes did the talking.

Supposedly McHottie is becoming an entertainment lawyer. We ate cookies and talked about a recent local court case. Plus I found out that we have some mutual friends.

I offered to help him with some of the yardwork so he could get done and go home to his dad and I could enjoy a couple of extra minutes with him. He cringed at first. I could tell that he was unsure but I assured him that I won’t tell my mom or his dad.

“That’s not it. Have you ever done yard work before?” He said as he visually scanned me.
“Um no.. but I can try” and then I mumbled “Plus you don’t look like you were made for yard work.”
“Did you say something?”
“Nope. It’s probably the heat getting to your head. Want some more lemonade.”

He laughed and handed me a heavy object that nearly made my fall on my face. It was the blower!
I helped him with it. Plus I also helped him while he fixed our trees. I hear his father thinks that my mother is a pain in the ass. I don’t blame him; she can be one.

And with that, he gave me a hug. We exchanged numbers and with a promise to call me, he left. I don’t plan on ever seeing him again, but who cares.. I don’t go for second helpings when it comes to white guys. They’re too tempting.

March 27, 2009

We look better undressed

Filed under: Guy Stories, Personal — by kurri @ 4:23 am

A guy I was sharing the jacuzzi with at the gym today told me that I look a lot like Salma Hayek. I think this is the same guy who told me the same thing last summer.

January 28, 2009

Protected: ‘Cause we were both young when I first saw you

Filed under: Guy Stories — by kurri @ 1:14 am

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January 23, 2009

Protected: All eyes on me in the center of the ring just like a circus!

Filed under: Confessions, Ex, Guy Stories, Personal — by kurri @ 12:33 am

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January 20, 2009

Protected: It seems like we always make up and break up

Filed under: Ex, Guy Stories — by kurri @ 4:58 am

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January 9, 2009

Protected: Kurri just made a boo boo!

Filed under: Guy Stories — by kurri @ 8:10 am

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