And I know I don’t act much like a lady but I still need to be somebody’s baby

Alrighty! I guess I’ve been putting this off for too long.. Obviously it SO happens that I feel like blogging every time Mother has a ton of things planned for me to get done.

18 of you want to know about Sexy (and 3 of you don’t). Well, see, here’s the thing. If I were to answer this question, say, two months ago, I’d say that we were just friends. If I were to answer it three weeks ago, I’d say we were really good friends, just like before. Now, well.. Now, we’re nothing. He has met someone (again! remember last time? he almost got engaged to the girl until he realized that she’s not the one) and he thinks that us being friends is a problem.. Not that I care, mind you. I just think about him in the shower and before going to bed.. and when I wake up. But that’s it, of course! I would never let him know that. In his mind, I’m happily dating Y.. who, btw, Sexy calls “[my] geeky boyfriend.”

The fact of the matter is that Y and I are not dating. We (mainly I) took your advice and we’re taking this one day at a time. Of course he has already hinted on the whole my-mother-will-love-you thing but who cares, right? He’s just gonna get his heart broken when he finds out that I have major commitment (and ego) issues. Especially now that I have this stalker..

Sonofabitch. Sonofabitch. Sonofagoddamnbitch!

I can’t afford this, yet you’re so tempting.

Dear Readers,

At this exact moment – 4:49 pm – Sexy and I are going to make a mistake. A huge mistake. A mistake so big that it’ll ruin our friendship all over again. I haven’t given an answer to Y yet but I still feel like I’m cheating on him.

I’m an idiot!

Love,
Kurri.

But in the end everyone ends up alone

This has got to stop!

I can’t believe I accidentally called him babe today. Ugh!

So much for not flirting. Old habits don’t die fast, sigh.

I’m in love with this blog :)

Yes I’m praying for the poor people in Gaza just like the rest of you.

So..

I don’t have any new boy stories for all of you, but umm.. I spoke to Sexy the day before new year’s and I know how much all of you love his gorgeous ass ^_^

That day Sexy was online around my day time but obviously we weren’t talking. Anyway, I left the house around 3 and didn’t come back till 11 pm-ish. To my surprise, I had a message from Sexy saying “hi!! [enter] forgive me for i have hurt you…!!” I couldn’t stop giggling after I got over the initial surprise. I mean seriously.. Who uses such heroic lines in real life. I guess my “you’re not my knight in shining armour so stop acting like one” line worked, lol. I did what any sane girl would do; I organized a three-way call. After speaking to the girls about the situation, I texted Sexy and told him to come online whenever he gets time.

So we spoke later that night and trust me, I…

Err here’s a teaser. I’ll complete this tomorrow. Promise

(12:02 AM) Sexy: but yeah… i dont want things to end on a bad note.. and even if they did… i dont want us to hate each other or think bad about eachother..
(12:02 AM) Sexy: is that too much to ask sweetheart.. ???
(12:02 AM) Kurri: yeah..
(12:02 AM) Kurri: it so happens that i don’t have any respect for ‘us’ anymore
(12:03 AM) Kurri: or for u
(12:03 AM) Sexy: please forgive me if u can
(12:03 AM) Kurri: i’m not mad at u
(12:03 AM) Sexy: im just asking for forgiveness..
…
(2:54 AM) Sexy: for once u cant think properly… think of the times.. when i helped u out in everything.. whenever u needed, cared about u… was i using u??/ NO
(2:54 AM) Sexy: watever we did was part of our affection and passion for eachother.. and some of it was satisfaction.. wont lie…
(2:55 AM) Sexy: ive never lied to you…
(2:55 AM) Sexy: never wanted to hurt you..

a damsel in distress waiting for her knight in shining armor.

i went to the new text message page on my cell phone and typed ‘i miss you.’ it doesn’t take a genius to figure out who this message would have been for. anyway, i put the phone on my bedside table and considered the outcomes.

a) it would be like carly phillips’s novels where he reads the message, calls me, and says that he wants me back.

or

b) it would be like grey’s anatomy where i tell him that i miss him but he says “can’t.”

in the perfect world, option a would make perfect sense.. but in my broken, full of bad relationships world, option b sounds more realistic. he will either not reply back, or he’ll tell me that he’s sick of this.

he did say that “[he was] taking every day as it comes.” i wanted certainty, not him. that’s not very unusual for me. i calculate my way through things.. i think of the shortest/fastest route before i begin driving. i measure my ingredients perfectly when working in the kitchen. i write shopping lists. i have a calender that says my activities for the month even though i never look at it. i set reminders on my phone for anything and everything even though i hardly ever need them. i buy birthday/anniversary cards at the beginning of the month for every birthday coming up. that’s just how i am.. i like to be sure of everything.. comes with being a surgeon’s daughter.

i’ve been trying to fall asleep but this is my first night in two weeks without cold meds (nighttime). in my defense, i’d just like to say that i’m getting these weird thoughts because of the major lack of sleep. i’m trying not to touch the nighttime meds.

Protected: the frog prince and i.

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Mission accomplished!

how many of you have ever wanted to tell sexy that he’s one sad excuse for a human being?

4 years.. if only things were still the same.

10:15 pm.

an hour and 45 minutes before december 05, 2008.

on december 05, 2004, ex and i decided that we would be more than just best friends. it was more of a secret at first because we didn’t know how our mutual friends would react to this. slowly, however, friends found out and it turned out that they were all okay with it.

on december 05, 2005, ex and i were living in two different parts of the world, but we were still in touch. crazier than ever.. still pretty immature. we used to joke around, and never truly acted like a couple.

on december 05, 2006, we were still in two different parts of the world, and still as close. long phone calls, texting all day long, stupid msn conversations… everything that two young lovebirds could ask for (minus the s..).

on december 05, 2007, we weren’t as close. things had started to change a little. the whole long distance relationship thing wasn’t working out after two years of only meeting during breaks. of course we met in the summer of ‘07.. spent two months together and it was all great. in fact it was perfect, and i think that’s what changed things. we had grown up, matured, and our needs had just increased.

we met in the end of december/ beginning of january (‘07/’08). spent new years eve together and what not.. things were perfect. we were happy once again.

… and then we both went off to our respective homes. things were fine until he took his best friend out on valentines day. THAT did it for me. his needs were obviously different than mine, and i respected that. i know that guys tend to ask for more physical stuff, and i, as a girl, was cool with just the feeling of having someone to talk to.

around april of ‘08, that girl’s msn status and facebook crap was always something silly and romantic about him. maybe she was just trying to piss me off. maybe he was right.. maybe he wasn’t flirting with her and it was only one-sided.. but by then i had become very close to sexy (who was also having relationship problems). when sexy told me that ex was being an ass, i listened to him. when sexy told me to end it with ex, i listened to him again. when ex called me a sell out, i completely ignored him and went off to minding my own beeswax.

did i cry? yes. did i fail the exam that i took the day after i broke up with ex? yes i did. did i imagine then that sexy and i would get this close one day? no.

do i regret breaking up with ex?
yes.

am i listening to my favorite song by a band that i used to love and now have no respect for?
yes.

is the band and/or the song somehow related to this post?
fuck yes.

Protected: hellooo december <3

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3

3:52 pm. so tired. pretending to be busy. just checking facebook. stalking old friends. thinking of clever things to say in this post. just ate a cold piece of chicken. all i’ve had. cold chicken. some corn too. very buttery. wish life was so buttery. sexy is online. after midnight he messaged. read message. turned around. went back to sleep. replied this morning. no message so far. friend tried to set me up. guy turned out to be a fire-worshipper. refused immediately. saw dostana. twice. in the theatres. fell in love. want john abraham. listening to maa da ladla. can’t believe indians made a song about gay people. wanting to message sexy. don’t know what to say. not wanting to meet any desis this weekend. stupid. will obviously meet them. want ice cream. chocolate. maybe pms-ing. need to do laundry. also iron last week’s laundry. stop reading silly romantic novels. maybe turn in missing assignments. retake exam. clean room. repaint room maybe. red. maroon actually. with black lamps. black rug too. sexy. very sexy. had a dream about sexy’s best friend. awkward. fish pond froze. fish died. forgot to put defroster in. should bake. cookies. double chocolate chip. delicious. twilight. no. sucks. haven’t read books. vampires suck. dance practice. shut up and bounce. temperature. cold. freezing. need purple coat. preferably with buttons. thanksgiving. turkey. gravy. fattening. relaxation. music. favorite band brokeup. hate them now. incomplete. single. awkward. never been so single. too much time. shopping. sales. black friday. new laptop. tv too. entertainment. grey’s. bad story. go away denny. too many characters are leaving. lesbians. saw two girls holding hands. awkward. not against gay people. just awkward. sleepy. tired.

4:05 pm. 98th post. 1000+ comments. 14,000+ views. 7 months.

satisfied.